Moving

Mom is moving from that awful apartment she's been in for over a decade. I was looking at the baby shower pictures with you and S--- and little not-born M---, and I realized they were taken in that apartment. That's a whole lifetime that she has lived there! I just found a baby picture of C-- with me holding him on her horrid salmon-colored faux-leather sofa. So many memories...I can't remember if she lived there already when I lost my baby, but I think so; she would be 13 years old this January.

We have to go over there this weekend and clean up and pack it up (as if we have any hope of finishing that monumental task in one weekend), and I'm afraid of all of the memories that are gonna come with that task. Mine, yeah, but also, so much of you. It's going to be hard to erase that chapter of my life, no matter how badly it needs erasing. The crime and corruption and danger there outweigh any value that nostalgia might bring; still, it will be a hard weekend. I'm already tearing up to think of it.

In about three weeks, I'm moving from my apartment, too. There isn't much nostalgia to be had here; you never saw the place, and the only connection it has to you is that I was standing in my bedroom here, leaning up against my dresser, in a hurry but answering my phone anyway in case it were some sort of life-altering emergency on the other line, when L--- told me you were dead. Not much nostalgia in that, but it is a memory, anyway. That, and the boxes of stuff that came from your apartment are still stacked next to my computer desk; what with everyone being in a state of flux, I have a feeling it's all coming to my new place. Hopefully I get the three-bedroom with M--: concrete floors, a big office, a window to my car in the parking lot, plenty of closet space, and the only unit with central air/heating in a utilities-included complex. It's not five stars, but for our price-range and specifications, it's pretty good. I think your stuff will end up hanging out in the office for a while.

I wish you were here for this. We all wanted Mom to get out of that place for so long, it's just wrong that you won't be here to argue and fuss and fight about getting it all done. Moving has always been a family affair, but ours is a man down.